Equanime Gratitude and the Strength of Forgiveness- 21 dec 2017
Tonight is the longest night of the year, winter solstice.
Let me share with you two stories… to think a little… just a little !
First story :
Since two years, as we were preparing our project for fundings with architects and engineers, I contracted a debt towards them which until now I could not pay. They have been gentle enough not to ask anything from me, knowing my situation; however I always assured them that as soon as situation would permit, I would pay their money back. The debt was 14000 turkish liras.
This month, on the 8th of December, we did the transaction with the farmers friends who bought a part of the Sun garden; as a consequence I received money and as soon as possible I informed Ayshe hanim that I would pay the money back.
That day, I am in Bucak heading towards the bank to make the transfer and my phone rings. It is Ayshe hanim:
-- Hi Isabelle hanim ! How are you ?
-- Ah Hi Ayshe hanim ! I am very fine ! and you ?
-- Very well thank you ! I got your message last day, saying you would pay your debt back, thank you for this. I have been talking with the engineers, and finally, because your project has been cancelled we decided not to ask you for the full amount of money; If you give us 7000 liras that will be perfect.
I am sooooo surprised…. that I cannot be sure I correctly understood the words said by Ayshe hanim !
I have to ask her several times to repeat… and yes finally I must understand that they only want 7000 liras from me…
Incredible!! I feel a Bliss caressing me softly …. And tell her several thankful words of huge gratitude…
End of the first story.
Second story :
We have to take a step back :
We are in february 2014. Two years ago the farm burned and I find myself again without money and many bills to pay, specially that of the lawyer… I feel totally in despair… I dont know what to do, whom to call… I would like to find an investor who could invest money in the farm… But who would invest money in such a no man’s land where nothing remains ???
Completely drawn, I decide to talk with the lawyer and head to Istanbul.
Istanbul. Monday afternoon, rain and cold.
I feel very ugly and heavy, not only because of my huge raincoat and boots, but also because of this pain I carry inside me… However the lawyer welcomes me with gentleness and behaves in a very polite way, treating me as if I would be a lady, despite of my miserable clothes! I offers me four hours of his very precious time, so that we find a solution to my difficult situation. And finally we find:
He himself offers to buy the Moon garden (at low price) and keep it during 10 years while he will not be allowed to sell it except to me. And I will be allowed to use the land exactly as if I would be the owner. He gives me 30000 liras for the Moon garden (which values is probably 4 times more).
I insist desperately to have something written in our agreement about the way we shall calculate a price when I will be able to buy the land back. But the lawyer refuses saying:
-- Don’t worry Isabelle. You know very well I am not doing a business here. It is only to help you that I put this money aside during 10 years. You realize this I guess. I only want to help you. Trust me.
Yes. What can I do anyhow…
I receive 30000 turkish liras and give the Moon garden.
Now lets come back to now : October 2017, about two months ago.
Whilst the transaction of the Sun garden with the young farmers is preparing, I do hope (and the young farmers too) that with the money I will get, the buying of the Moon garden from the lawyer will be possible. Then I could reunite the Yunus Emre farm.
So, I prepare myself to contact the lawyer… and I must admit that I feel a bit of fear… because I got some signals in the course of time, where he showed a bit weird…
Trying to feel courageous and strong, one day I take the phone and explain him the whole story, selling of the Sun garden, money coming, and my desire to buy the Moon garden back. How much?
Well… I will not narrate all details… they vanished from my memory … But in a summary, whereas I thought that giving 40000 liras back would be fair enough, the lawyer wants 60000 liras. Double money from what he gave me just 4 years ago. Wouah !... I feel like diving into despair… dillusion.. and anger !... He explains me his calculation based on inflation of turkish lira and euros… I get angry and tell him this is not fair at all… Then he accuses me of wanting to cheat him… And asks for the real value of the land… Discovers that it took a lot in only 4 years, accuses me of lying because I did not tell him the truth… Well…. Yes, I did not tell him that the prices had increased because I did not know it.
So. The lawyer shows his real face.
And of course our conversations just finish in void. I feel confused, disappointed, sad, angry, and I don’t know what to do.
However, keeping the yogic vision, I remain always the Witness. Witness of my poor condition which oscillates between anger with the lawyer and anger with me for having be so stupid ! How could I trust this man and believe he would be kind to me?
Deluded by the veil of emotions, I take the only right decision of the day: doing nothing and giving everything to the Sacred Time… whilst I will work silently…
Because i know that something is surely hidden behind this story. Something greater than a greedy lawyer and a naïve farmer… Something greater than a story of money, inflation, fields values…
And this something slowly slowly reveals…
I have to manage somehow to feel Gratitude for the lawyer, I have to THANK the lawyer, thanks to whom I am lucky enough to live this experience, through which certainly I will grow.
At this moment, I read a book which has been given to me in my studies to become financially independant and here is what I come across :
« Forgive your ennemy, and you steal his arrows. They will be transmuted into bliss.”
« Every being is a golden ring in the chain maillon de chaine of my good»
That is exatly what I need.
To see in the lawyer, the instrument of the Universe, for a plan that is far higher than me.
And THANK him.
And FORGIVE him.
It hasnt’t been that easy, but now, I only feel a huge trust.
I suggested to the lawyer that we meet again in his Office in Istanbul and I chose the date: it will be on the 21rst of february. I like this date. I took my plane ticket and I feel totally confident.
And I can whisper these sentences that I send to the Universe:
“If DURGA and MOON garden belong to me in righteousness, I cannot lose them.
If they do not belong to me, please give me the equivalent.
Cultivate Contentement, santosh, expressing “equanime Gratitude” towards all situations of life and all beings…
And forgiving the one who hurts me… for then his arrows just vanish in the space of Bliss…
And that’s true.
To be followed ! !